


I'll Go With You

by Headphone_Love



Series: Fictober 2018 [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Keith (Voltron) is a Good Friend, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 11:36:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16428626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Headphone_Love/pseuds/Headphone_Love
Summary: “What if it’s all just in my head?”Keith’s eyes went a bit wide at the admission. He swallowed hard. “What do you mean?”Lance’s lip trembled as he attempted to smile, the laugh coming out more choked than anything. “What...what if I’m doing this to myself, you know?"





	I'll Go With You

**Author's Note:**

> Meant for Day 19 of Fictober. 
> 
> "Oh please, like this is the worst I have done.”
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Talks of Anxiety, Feelings of Worthlessness, etc.

Lance Mcclain, aka the:

Resident goofball.

Best swimmer ever.

Cuban flirt.

Loyal friend

Overall Mess

Lance hugged his knees to his chest and did his best to calm his breathing, not understanding why something that probably wasn’t that big a deal was making him freak out. It was just some homework. He could explain to his teacher tomorrow about how the essay had slipped his mind and get it settled somehow like usual.

Except it _wasn’t_ that.

Not to Lance.

It was a sign of his incompetence. It was stupid of him to have not gotten what needed to be done when it was meant to be done, even if it really was out of his control. He should have tried harder. He should have done things differently. It was why he was sitting on his bed with the blankets over his head rather than doing _any_ of his homework for tomorrow. It was why he was feeling so sick he felt like throwing up despite the fact that the last four times he got up, nothing came up but acid and saliva.

Why he, instead of applying rational thought as his friends had taught him, was dreading going to class and feeling so useless that he couldn’t sleep.

Hugging himself tighter, he shut his eyes and willed his tears not to fall.

That apparently also wasn’t something he was able to control.

* * *

 

“You look awful, man!”

Lance smiled and shifted so his cheek was pressed against his arm. He didn’t have enough motivation or energy to lift his head completely. His eyes landed on Pidge, who was eyeing him with a raised brow while Hunk took his seat in front of him.

“Let’s just say I didn’t sleep much yesterday.”

Not the truth, but not a lie.

“Why not?” Pidge asked as she took her seat beside him. She wasn’t being accusatory, Lance knew that. She was genuinely curious, not trying to call him out on his answer. A part of him still felt his stomach lurch uncomfortably.

Stifling a yawn, Lance shut his eyes and shrugged. “Just because,” he replied quietly. “Now mind letting me go back to my cat nap, dear Pidge?”

Scrunching her nose, she stuck her tongue out at him. “Fine, but don’t ask for my notes later, genius. That’s punishment for staying up ‘just because’. ”

In his exhaustion, Lance forced a smile to his lips, not responding as he allowed his forehead to rest on his arm to hide his face from view. He didn’t trust his voice not to waver if he attempted a smart comment back.

* * *

 

“Dude, this is the third time you have dazed out on me tonight. We really need to do this project.”

Lance turned to Keith, nodding and rubbing his eyes roughly. “Right, right. Sorry. I’ll…”

The sound of Keith placing his pen down somewhat roughly made Lance jump and direct his attention onto the other teen. Unlike what Lance expected, Keith didn’t look angry. He looked normal, making Lance wonder whether he meant to put the utensil down so forcefully.

“You’ve said sorry like twenty times in the last hour,” Keith spoke slowly, eyes searching.

Laughing awkwardly, Lance raised a hand to place behind his head while the other fiddled with the pen in his hand. “Yeah? I hadn’t noticed,” he said honestly, Keith raising a brow. The two remained like that for a minute, Lance’s smile beginning to strain his cheeks. “C’mon, man. Your staring is getting to me.”

“Oh please, like this is the worst I’ve done,” Keith said with a small teasing smile. With that alone, Lance relaxed, arm dropping to his lap again as he avoiding the other’s gaze.

“I’m just tired.”

“You’re always tired.”

Lance flinched. He swallowed hard. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Sorry.”

A moment later, Keith was on his feet. Lance looked up with wide eyes while Keith stretched, moving towards the door.

“No! Don’t!” Lance shouted, stumbling forward and grabbing at Keith’s wrist. “I’ll stop apologizing and I’ll do the project but don’t—!”

His heart was pounding in his ears and his mind was running wild with reasons why Keith wanted him to leave. He could feel the burning behind his eyes and the tightening of his throat, wondering why he couldn’t act like a normal person even around his own friends. He began to shake, eyes trained on the wall until Keith came into view, warmth surrounding the hand that was attached to Keith’s wrist.

“Lance. _Lance_. You’ve gotta listen to me.”

Lance watched him, though he didn’t really catch or process the words. He was too busy focusing on how to stop shaking and freaking out for no reason _._

“ _Lance,_ I’m not going anywhere,” Keith tried again, tightening his grip to prove his point. “I was just going to get us some water and something to eat,” he assured.

So he wasn’t being forced into leaving.

“There we go, slow breaths.”

No, no. This wasn’t Keith’s concern. This…

Lance backed away, yanking his hand from the other as if he had been burned. He only stopped when he hit the wall, the pressure against his back somewhat comforting. He hugged his knees to his chest as he usually did, hiding his face in his knees and digging his nails into his sleeves.

He would calm down.

He would face Keith like nothing happened.

He would wait until he got home and then...

“Lance.”

“No. Just leave me alone.”

The words were harsh but he couldn’t do this in front of Keith here right now.

“As if I would leave you like this,” Keith snapped, Lance freezing at the tone. “Besides, you were acting off all day,” he muttered in a quieter tone. Lance looked up from his position to see Keith sitting in front of him. The other sat with his elbow against his leg, cheek pressed into his palm. He wasn’t staring at Lance but looked calm all things considered. “You might have been able to fool Pidge, but Hunk knows you, genius. It’s the reason why we’re at my place instead of yours.”

Lance swallowed hard. “You…”

He bit back some nausea that threatened him.

“You invited me here...because…”

Keith let out a small snort. “So you wouldn’t be alone, yes.”

“But why?”

“Why else?” Keith asked with a raised brow. “Because all of us care about you and want you to be happy.”

The words were meant to be comforting, but Lance’s mind immediately began to twist them. It began to tell him that he didn’t deserve such kind words and that he was just lazy. It changed the words around, making it sound like Lance was being a brat for being unhappy when he had such nice friends that were taking the time to even care about him.

A small sound escaped him as he shook his head.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re _not._ ”

“Keith…”

“Lance you are shaking and freezing right now,” Keith said with a stern tone. “You need to breathe and listen to me. You're not fine, and that’s alright. You need to figure out why you aren’t fine instead of just letting it paralyze you like this.”

Logical.

“The project…”

“Is going to get done,” Keith finished. “Next.”

“My homework…”

“I can help you with it if you need me to. But you’re smart. You’ll do it just like you always do.”

Lance sniffed, resting his chin on his knees. “I just hate this, Keith,” he whispered weakly. “I wake up and I’m scared. I go to school and I’m scared. I go home and I’m scared. But there isn’t anything to be scared of and I know that.”

Keith listened carefully, his face twisting with something Lance couldn’t read at the moment.

“Everyone else is doing things that I can’t manage even with all my energy and I feel like…”

“You feel like what?” Keith challenged. “You feel small? Because of the fact that you are different and do things differently?” he asked.

There was a moment of silence, and Lance debated whether to even tell his friend about his true fear. He debated whether to make his voice be heard because it was stupid logic and irrational.

“Come on, Lance. I can’t understand if you don’t tell me.”

“What if it’s all just in my head?”

Keith’s eyes went a bit wide at the admission. He swallowed hard. “What do you mean?”

Lance’s lip trembled as he attempted to smile, the laugh coming out more choked than anything.  “What...what if I’m doing this to myself, you know? What if I am actually fine and I just can’t handle normal everyday things? What if I end up not doing anything with my life because I’m not strong enough?”

“First off, if you are feeling this terrified, I can promise you this isn’t something you would do on purpose, right?”

Lance nodded.

“Alright. So next concern...what’s considered strong to you?”

Not expecting the question, Lance picked at his sleeve.

“Someone who faces everything without thinking about it,” Lance said quietly. He kept his gaze on Keith while he spoke, blue eyes glassy. “Someone who can get through the day without wanting to run away from everything. Someone who can sleep without waking up and feeling dread for no reason.”

Keith tilted his head, hair following his movements. “When I asked you to come to my place, what was your answer?”

“Sure.”

“You didn’t think about it, did you?”

Lance hadn’t, actually.

“Even though you were nervous, you went to school today. You did a presentation. You gave in your homework?”

Lance had.

“Lance, I need you to listen to what I’m going to say because what you described is one way to think about strength, but I think you are thinking about this all wrong.”

Loosening his grip, Lance slowly nodded. “I’m listening.”

Keith shifted so he was a bit closer. “Instead of strong and weak, think about it in a way where you can think in a way that highlights accomplishments rather than bumps in the road.”

Lance sniffed.

“You’ve been dealing with this for how long?”

Lance couldn’t remember.

“Alright...and yet you’re still doing homework. You’re still trying hard to be there for Pidge and Hunk...and me,” Keith added, Lance’s lips twitching at how reluctant the last part has sounded. “You’re just...amazing, Lance. Even if you don’t feel like it now. I think it’s something you need to hear so you know that whatever is happening up here,” he said, gently moving a hand to tap Lance’s forehead. “You still have a lot to off from here.”

Keith pointed at his own heart considering that Lance was still curled into himself, but the words swirled in Lance’s mind. His breathing had long since calmed, body still rigid but no longer shaking.

“You think so?”

“I know it,” Keith said with a nod. “But what matters isn’t what I think. Or anyone, for that matter. What it comes down to is you reminding yourself that you are a human. It’s alright to cry and it sure as hell is okay to talk to us about what you are feeling. Sometimes we need help deciphering what our minds put us through.”

“You too?”

“Especially me,” Keith said. “Take it day by day. Remind yourself that taking time to yourself isn’t wasting time, or that wanting to be around friends isn’t being clingy. We _like_ being around you, just like you hopefully like being around us.”

“I do like being around you,” Lance insisted as Keith paused, eyes widening at the words. Realizing what he had done, Lance turned red in the face, lips parting. “I...I mean all of you! I like being around all of you!”

Regaining his composure, Keith turned, raising a hand to his mouth and laughing to himself as Lance moved to sit on his knees. His hands moved around in the air, face growing redder.

“Keith! Stop laughing you know what I meant!”

“I did,” Keith assured, smirking slightly. “It made me happy.”

Before Lance could ask what he meant, Keith stood, holding out a hand to him with slight tears of amusement in his eyes. “Let’s get something to eat. You can wash your face in the bathroom,” he offered. “You already look a lot better now.”

Taking the hand, Lance was hoisted to his feet and stumbled slightly, legs numb from the position. His entire body felt tingly, Keith helping him balance until he could manage on his own. “Sounds good,” he mumbled as Keith nodded.

“Alright then. Let’s go, McClain.”

Lance’s lips twitched again, this time forming a tiny smile as he hugged himself. “I’m waiting on you, mullet.”

* * *

 

When Lance woke up the next morning, he still cried and felt like throwing up.

He still wondered about his homework and had to put on a smile to his friends.

But a part of him was partly glad for his talk with Keith—surprisingly—to the point where a week after, he told Hunk about some of his problems.

A month after that, he told Pidge.

That summer, he told his family.

And their senior year, he wrote an essay on it, even taking up an offer on submitting it to an event that asked him to present it in front of students and staff alike.

Lance didn’t have everything figured out, but at least when he woke up the day of his presentation, he was a bit shaky with excitement rather than dread. It was a good day, a pleasant surprise from the bad week he had experienced before it.

The text on his phone from Keith only made him smile wider, a slight tint to his cheeks.

(7:35) Mr. Mullet Man: Morning McClain. Good luck today. Lunch on me after.

* * *

 

Lance Mcclain, aka the:

Resident goofball.

 **Best** swimmer _ever_.

Cuban flirt.

Loyal friend

Work in Progress.


End file.
